when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Randomize
