since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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