i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
