U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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