The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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