Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
