Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
