turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
