I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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