having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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