Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Dignity is for republicans.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
