Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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