I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize