Your mouth is God's brothel.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
