im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
You took a bar mat shot.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
