This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I had to cum in my sink.
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