I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
