i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Randomize
