i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize