grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
