I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
