did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
