I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
