Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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