Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
We are all done wearing pants today
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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