so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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