Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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