i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
