LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
