Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
