Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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