I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
