no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
