I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
