if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
