Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
