You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
As shirtless as possible
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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