She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Randomize
