The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I just want to make out with him forever
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
