The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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