Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
