Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Randomize
