Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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