i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize