my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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