My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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