I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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