Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
