What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
