i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
