i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
