Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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