No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
