where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
