You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Two words: blizzard sex
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
