oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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