So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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