So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
