If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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