my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Drunk walkin through police station. America
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
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