Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
