Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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