It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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