I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Randomize
