the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
