Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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