I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
