so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
