I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
