Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
