my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Someone shattered a urinal.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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