Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Randomize
