Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
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