life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
