She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
