alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Randomize
