Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
