I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
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