I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
